Depression & the Stay at Home Mom

Prior to continuing to read this be aware that this is more of a rant and vent then anything.

 

One thing that many people who read this blog don't know about me is that I tend to not care what others think of me. I've been labeled a "bi*ch" due to how cold I come across sometimes when approached with others opinions of what I do in my life. This does hold true in most cases.

Except parenting. 

I take most parenting advice as a good thing and try to work it into my daily life in some way. Other times, depending upon who the advice is coming from, I don't take it so lightly; I get upset, mad and sometimes even cry. It truly gets to me at times.

The way I see it, how bad of a parent am I when someone that has never raised a child tries to correct me on how to do something with my children and my life? Am I that bad? Once that idea has been put in my head then I dwell on it. A bit compulsive at times. Then I get even more upset about the situation. 

This compulsion runs in my family, as well as depression. In my mind they go hand in hand. We dwell, it gets worse and then the depression sets in. Say what you want about the depression and how it's a bunch of bull crap and how it can all be treated without medications- you believe what you want! 

I got so bad off last June that I had to be put on depression medication called Celexa. I would snap at anyone just for looking at me wrong- it didn't matter who you were. I was always upset, but as I have always been taught, I put a pretty smile on and tried to tough it out without anyone knowing about it. It was a tough thing to do! I was on the medication until December when my doctor and I decided that it was time to come off of the medication and see how I was. My thyroid had messed up at this point and it was a theory that the fluctuating thyroid was the cause of the hormonal inbalance causing the depression.

Looking back I can see why that theory was a good one. Now that it's the middle of February and things are falling back to where they were in June- I think that theory was wrong!

I believe that being able to get out and about and "handle" my own business prior to children, or at least when the children didn't have such demanding schedules, that I didn't show the depression as much. I had my moments but we all do really. But I believe when it came for me to bunker down and follow not only my schedules but the kids as well that I became stressed- this stress was sitting in my mind all the time allowing me to dwell on it which in turn caused the depression to show its true colors. 

Now I'm not saying that every stay at home mom has depression, it just happens that every stay at home mom in my family has. We show the signs of it more and have more "breakdowns" due to it. 

My mom's side of the family completely understands and loves me anyway. 

My dad's side of the family, well they never want to listen to what you have to say in order to understand. You mention depression and they jump to how much crap it is and how modern medicine is awful, prescription drugs are never the way to go and how horrible of a person I am for thinking that I need it.

I DON'T THINK I NEED IT- I KNOW I NEED IT!!!!!! 

SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!!!!!!!

Nobody knows my body better than I know my body-

I KNEW when I was pregnant with EACH of my kids within a week of conception! 

I KNEW when I was getting the flu from the first symptom!

I KNEW when the depression was setting in hard and I needed to seek help!

I KNEW when my vision was getting worse!

I KNEW when I was getting my first ear infection at 19 years old! 

NOBODY will understand my body and my mind the way I do. Just like every other female- we are more in tuned with our bodies than any male ever will be with his own. 

It just frustrates me that if I try to have this discussion with someone from that side of the family that they will tell me I'm crazy or to get over it or my favorite "you have nothing to be depressed about!" 

Like hell I don't!

Which brings me back to my first point- if someone who never raised a child calls me out on how bad I'm doing- it pisssssseeesss me offf!! Like my dad! He didn't raise me! He left when I was 3 not to be seen until I was 11 once and again when I was 19. You can't make up for lost time! You can't come in to my life and tell me everything I'm doing wrong- you don't want to play that game! I bet I could google his name and pull up arrest records from the past 26 years! Abuse charges, robbery charges, assault with a deadly weapon charges... yes please let's go on to how MY life is the bad one! UGH! 

Don't criticize my parenting when you were NEVER a parent! And don't tell me what I can and cannot do! I am almost 27 years old, I make my own decisions without your approval being needed! I'm a big girl!

Count your blessings that you are in your grandchildren's lives and stop worrying about what I do.

I'm not doing street drugs.

I'm not drinking myself in to ditches.

I'm not working the street corner.

I'm not addicted to pills.

I'm a fairly healthy 26 year old with vision problems and a big attitude! 

GET OVER IT! 

Thanks for letting me vent guys... I needed it!!!